During my last visit, in April, I was taken aback by the transformation that had taken place in her over a period of 8 months. We met her in August, walking around, speaking, and eating well at our pre-wedding gathering of Lisa d/o Saju. Now she was emaciated. And when I called on her, she struggled to sit up. I had to support her for sitting up, and I felt there was great struggle to bend her back. She was all through muttering one line prayers calling on Jesus. After a while, I took a cue from her mutterings, and lead her in some traditional prayers, most of which she repeated. But there was no other response at the personal level.
It reminded me of the sprightly Aetty arriving home at night from Trivandrum on learning of her mother's illness, way back in 1979. Though I felt a little odd, she was there thoroughly preparing her mom to go peacefully. And I recall her loud cry, 'Amme, amme' as she departed at night, after a short struggle for breath. I think it was she who suggested to Vellyechi Psalm 122:1 for the memorial picture to be printed: 'My heart and soul rejoiced when they told me, let us go to God's house'. May the psalmist's saying and experience of Psalm 23 of the care of the Good Shepherd be true for Aetty, I pray.
Deo Gracias! We are grateful to the DHM sisters - with whom Aetty grew in the Christian spirit of charity and service, and persevered for over 50 years. Some of the DHM sisters had been very dear to her - I recall Ms Tresamma, who was mother to her in the congregation, and who was her next door neighbour in her last years. Perhaps Aetty was in rather good health to send her home some 6 years ahead of her. There was Mother Delema, who was a famous social work figure in Mumbai, and also the general of their congregation in Paris. They were also dear to me, especially with my training in Social Work. Many of them grew familiar and family to us as well, as almost all of us visited Aetty regularly, and had occasions to interact with her fellow sisters. Then there was Sr Eliamma, who received me in their house at Paris, Sr Thressiamma Kurian, who was a colleague in Ghana with our uncle Fr Antony (who spent almost 3 decades serving Ghana Christians), Sr Iris, who always welcomed me with a beaming smile, Sr Suni, who became my colleague at Rajagiri, Sr Jacinta, at one time, the Provincial, who was senior to me at TISS pursuing Ph D, when I was doing PG.... several of the superiors of Vimalalayam.
Having Aetty with the DHM, I have visited their convents in Ernakulam, Panangad, Kara, Kottayam, Trivandrum, Chennai, and because of that connection, convents at Goregaon, Mumbai, Mangalore and Paris. On Aetty's part, besides the usually taken-for-granted contributions of community outreach to families, publication of a booklet on their founder(s) in Malayalam was something valuable, I trust.
As we bid her goodbye, we pray that the congregation bears abundant fruit in their radical mission of being amidst people and announcing the good news to them, especially through support for livelihood options.
July 8, 2022
Aetty - that's the only sibling Ichayan (my father) had. How did Alikutty (for Elizabeth) become Aetty - was it our mom or Vellyechi who created 'A-tty' out of 'Alikutty'. Nobody bothered. She had been Aetty for us all through. Her life is shrouded in mystery - I like to compare her with Melchizedek for apparently no reason. She is said to have had a very tough sailing as a young girl, having lost the protection of a father, almost at birth, with hardly anyone to protect her. However, she turned out to be a great survivor - becoming a kind of nurse (definitely, with some training), getting employed with port trust, earning on her own, also getting actively involved in church activities around SH monastery, but finally deciding to become a nun in the fashionable or radical order of the daughters of the heart of Mary (DHM), whom we, in Kochi, called Vimalalayam sisters, after their house in the heart of rhe city. It had a unique charm with stone cladding, which was a rare sight in this part of the world.
I vaguely remember all of us going to the South Railway station to see her off - perhaps for the initial trip to Bombay, or perhaps, some time later. The lean and thin Alikutty after her initial phase of training at Mumbai, returned rotund and plumb, and professed as a nun in 1972. We all attended the solemn function in the Vimalayam chapel, where she made her first profession. Our preparation was confined to cooking some country snacks - palaharam (acchappam, avulose unda, cheeda, diamond-cuts) and I thought it was a big deal for those times. She had turns in places like Bombay, Chennai, Kottayam, Trivandrum, Kara (Kodungalloor) and Kochi. She was always active, prim, and was ever ready to take up tasks - that is my impression.
Whenever she arrived on a home vacation, once in two years or so, the house went on a cleaning spree... especially the toilets. She was said to be very actively involved with people and their struggles, a charism of DHM, and in later stages became a devout follower of the charismatic movement. She also had great trust in magnetic therapy. And her adherence to it has continued to date.
However, last few years she had been feeling quite ill at ease, and rather unhappy with the congregation or rather, its authorities, and was aggrieved that she was not being well taken care of. Perhaps, it was the age-related problems - involutional melancholia.
Today, as we met her, I could foresee irritation creeping within me; hence, I decided to join the company of Vellyechi & Davischettan. And we found her excited, agitated and in her effort to greet and meet us, she was getting fits of annoyance and agonising muscular spasms. She got Davis chettan examine and comment on her medication, which, he found to be apt for her situation. Both of them were rather patient and very supportive of Aetty, and she derived some comfort from them. Davis chettan attributed it all to age-related anxiety, bordering on mild depression (involutional melancholia?). I lost my patience and almost admonished her to take her sufferings as part of Christ's suffering, which she received with some degree of acceptance.
She had great apprehension regarding Ammachi dying with some bitterness in her mind. Apparently, ammachi did develop some such attitude towards the last stage of her life. Aetty was quite understanding of this turn in her life, and was praying regarding the same. Now she appears to be in more or less that position. I am afraid, whether this is what would accompany old age - I pray that such bitterness never remains in anyone..
This year happens to be her golden Jubilee. They would have a celebration in August or so. We should think in what way we could make it a joyous occasion. Alternatively, we could think of a small-scale Palakkappilly celebration in the parish with Vavachayan or me around..
Other Notes on Aetty:
https://prasantamcmi.blogspot.com/2023/11/a-long-day-of-connecting-people.html
https://prasantamcmi.blogspot.com/2024/04/aged-tour-on-earth-day-encountering.html
April 22, 2024 I managed to reach Vimalayalam and spent some 'quality' time with Aetty. Sr Sophie, Dr Sr Alphonsa, etc gathered around. Aetty was going about carrying a pack of medicines, and cribbing about no one to help her out with the application of the eye drops. Sophie examined and found that 3 of the small plastic dispensers were all empty and she had a new one along. Now she suspects. Perhaps, my endorsement makes it easier for her to let go! I unwrap the packed new ones, there are 2 of them.
I agree to have a lime juice lest Aetty intervenes and creates a mess. She is under control today. Sr Alphonsa, the only doctor of the congregation is energetic, and tries to reason it out with Aetty. Aetty is unhappy, as she is not able to do what she wants, in spite of her good health (no health problems), because of her hearing and sight loss. I point out to her the examples of people who have nothing, and the many things we have that we take for granted. I tell her about our former provincial Bp Gregory who has gone blind, and at 90, the congregation didn't feel like experimenting with a treatment costing around 30 lakhs, with no guarantee of eyesight restored, but he leads a cheerful life. And I challenge her to take up her daily cross for the millions who are even much worse disposed. And she kind of swallows in and doesn't refute. I also tell her about the status of Vellichayan and refers to his gradual loss of memory to register with her the blessedness she enjoys. Apparently, she was put to ease...Don't know for how long! She is comforted to learn that Vivek and Annie are doing well.
We have plenty of kisses and hugs to exchange. I should have said a prayer. We force a smile on her to take a pic. I insist her not to come down and she is ok with it. Next time, if possible, I hope to find time to visit her and join the community celebration of the mass.
I also meet Sr Eliamma, Sr Thressiamma who all gracefully greeted me and enquired after the rest of my brothers and sisters.