Ministering to the People of God in the United States of America

I came to the United States for the first time in 2001, with an R1 VISA stamped for 5 years. The stay lasted till December end. It had a combination of pastoral ministry in two dioceses (St Stanislaus Kostka Church, Maspeth, Brooklyn and Holy Name of Mary Church, Valley Stream, Rockville Centre), and a semester as visiting faculty at the School of Social Work, Maryland University, Baltimore, on the basis of  MoU between Rajagiri and SSWUMB, drafting of which had a major contribution from my side. The facilitation by Fr Joseph Palackal and Dr Raju Varghese was crucial. 

Since then, on and off, I had some short stints of pastoral and academic exposure in the US, and since I took over as the Principal of Sacred Heart College, it always had a thrust on alumni networking. I could build up some momentum thanks to these trips, and create a kind of linkage.  I could build up some minor academic collaborations as well. In spite of setting up an international office, and giving it a kind of free hand, it appears that such efforts did not sustain. 

The first outing was the most solemn and glorious time, with duty days, and free days free for outing and exploring.  Regarding the ministry as such, you had to prepare for your mass, deliver the homily, and if there was a sick or communion call on your duty days, you had to attend.  I hardly ever presided over a funeral function or baptism. On duty days, you were to be available on call, and remain at the rectory.  The other days, you could go wherever you wanted. Perhaps, the one on call also ensured that the dishwasher was run to get the dishes cleaned. 

Though only dinner was served at the rectory, that was glorious enough, with Rev. Michael Walsh having the practice of a dinner at 5 pm, with candles, grace, wine, salad, main course and desert, all ceremoniously served by our (visiting) greek chef Ms Sophie. (I learn that she is no more! So too Rev. Walsch, who was trained as a theologian.  May their souls rest with the Lord!).  Thanks to Sophie, I began to relish the American style of food, which had very minimum condiments, yet which suited me well. Maspeth also was a well-connected place with easy access to public transport. 

With Fr. Joseph having been there for quite some time, the parishioners were friendly and welcoming.  In my second stint there in 2005, when one of them came to know that I loved riding a bicycle, he brought a bicycle that was remaining unused at his home.  I had to purchase a helmet to go around on the bicycle. But the bicycle, though a very old one, was the best one I had used ever.  I ventured to go up to Central Park and to various other nearby spots on that. 

At Holy Name of Mary, Valley Stream, Long Island, we were almost a monastery. There was the pastor Fr Thomas Harold, who was happy to be called Tom. Then there were two associates Rev Stephen of the diocese, a very pious person, and Rev Saji Mukkudan of Malankara rite.  Besides, there was a resident priest Rev James (Jim), and a summer priest like me, Fr Robert Pinto from Pakistan (I never imagined that we had priests in Pakistan)! And we could adjust our duties among us, and thus go out to visit someone far off, if required.  I think we had dinner together daily, but wine was served only on Sundays.  There was a Hispanic woman who arrived in the afternoons to prepare the dinner. 

In 2005, I spent one month at Western Michigan University as a visiting faculty with the School of Social Work with Dr. Washington leading the team. I scouted and discovered a campus parish, and found people waiting of the priest to come, who didn't turn up.  I volunteered to offer mass, saying that I was a visiting priest, and the people gathered for the mass readily accepted the offer. The next day, I reached again for attending the mass, but the priest-in-charge/chaplain, gently reminded me that I ought to produce some authentication regarding my being a priest in good standing with the church. I mailed Fr Augustine, the Provincial, and he sent the authorisation without any delay.  That put the priest at ease, and I had several other occasions during the month to lead the community in celebration.  One of the parishioners was quick to point out that I would require a bicycle to ride from the university residence to the church, and she arranged the one which lying idle at her place. That was so kind of her.  I am so sorry to have even forgotten the name of the good soul. 

My next stint was with a parish in the New York Diocese - Immaculate Conception Church, Irvington, New York.  The parish priest was venerable Msgr Berne, who was 80 plus, and had been there for over 20 years, who was almost burning out from 'smoke'.   But he had a popular appeal. We also had a Nigerian priest for some time, perhaps just for a couple of days, and so too did my confrere Benny Mukalel.  I was there just for a month or so.  Here too, the ministry was confined mainly to offering daily mass.  I have nearly forgotten how our dinner was managed there. Kathleen Bencivenga, the office manager (secretary) was fully in control of the parish management, and she had been a good friend to most of us CMIs who had a short or long-term ministry there.   Kathy has since maintained that friendship, and had visited India, I asked her to share her experience from the angle of women empowerment. There has been an array of us there - Chathamparampil, Thekkedath, Vettiyankal, CC Jose, Abraham Kannampala, Benny Mukalel, Soju Thekkinieth, Gilson John... and me too, as if someone prematurely born (St Paul - 1Cor 15:8).  

I had a beautiful time with Rev. Fr Anthony Sansone, at the parish of Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal.  This was in Brooklyn, very close to Maspeth. It was a Polish parish. Fr Antony felt that the priests residing there needed better care, and in addition to the evening dinner, he decided to have a 'simple soup' and 'salad', for which he got someone to help.  A lady would arrive in the morning for the same. After one day I realised that this simple soup was equivalent to an oversized lunch for a person like me, with several solid ingredients, preceded by a super-bowl of salads, and followed by some dessert and a tea or coffee. 

While being here,  I had the experience of the devastating tornado Rita, and that of snow! It snowed the whole day, and I was supposed to be dropped at the airport by Fr Sansone, who sensed that it would be risky for both of us, and managed to reach me to a subway station, from where I could reach the airport.  And due to the heavy snowfall, the aircraft could leave only after 7 hours of the scheduled time. 

In 2017, I received an unexpected invitation from Fr. Kariamadam, a senior confrere to substitute him for a month.  I felt that his offer would not suffice to cover the travel expenses, however, I agreed to go. (I always kept the agenda of meeting with alumni and trying to strengthen our network, and hence I thought the outing might be of help in that direction, and it was indeed so). This was St John the Evangelist Parish, in Lewisburg, Tennessee under the Nashville diocese.  It was a small parish, with hardly any activity after the mass.  Fr Jose announced in the church that Fr Prashant would be covering for him, and since he didn't drive a car in the US, it would be good to get him a bicycle.  And lo, when I reached the parish, a brand new bicycle was waiting for me. The frugally furnished rectory was about a mile away, and the bicycle was handy, though I did make use of the car on some rare occasions. Here, I had a greater opportunity to interact with the Hispanic community and I celebrated mass for them, and a few baptisms as well.  I was also made a member of the Knights of Columbus by the active and vibrant group there. My ministry ended there with me and Fr Jose making a trip to our Ecuador mission.

Here there was no cook. But Fr Jose had prepared some food and I managed to meet my food needs for almost 15 days with whatever was left there. Then my friend  Anil came with his wife Rita and two kids, and stayed over for two days, and they did some cooking which lasted me for the next two weeks.  I look back with amazement, that I had stayed all alone in that lonely rectory, and was put in charge of a parish with hardly anyone else around. Of course, there was the office and the secretary to take care of that. 

Though I had all plans to come to the US once again to visit our alumni and strengthen the network before I quit the office, due to the pandemic the plan didn't work out. Then when I finally got the VISA renewed, there was great difficulty in getting someone to offer me an opportunity to serve as the US environment regarding the priestly ministry and guests in the rectory etc. had drastically changed with sex and child abuse scandals being there all around.  My own brothers of the province were not found to be of great help, nor were any of my good friends.  Finally, it was Biju Naranath, a younger confrere who suggested my name to Sebastian Illickakkunnel, who knew me, and whom I also did know, though initially I could not recall our association. With some correspondence back and forth, I got it cleared and with some amount of persuasion, Fr Provincial also okayed the same, just before his term ended, but that was well in advance, and Sebastian wanted it to be thus.  Then came a request from Biju himself whether I could cover for him for a month preceding that of Sebastian's.  I was only too happy as that would definitely take care of my travel expenses with whatever is paid from the two parishes. 

However, this time, it was an altogether different experience. 

First of all, at the Blessed Sacrament Church, there was mass every day,  two each on the weekdays. On Saturdays and Sundays, there were four masses. There was no sacristan, and there were no regular altar servers or lectors.  There was confession on all days, except Sundays. The routine would go thus: Arrive at the church about 45 minutes ahead.  Preparations for the eucharistic celebration - lights on, lamps lit, wine and bread kept ready, microphone kept ready, missal and lectionary set, water for purification and sanitiser for use before the mass to be kept ready.  Be in the confessional half an hour ahead of the mass with the name board displayed. When a penitent enters the confessional the priest has to switch on a lamp indicating occupancy. When the time is up, you ought to get out, and put your name board back in the sacristy, apparently to make it clear to the faithful (clients) who their confessor would be. Once confession time is up,  come back to the sacristy, vest, ring the bell and enter the sanctuary solemnly by reciting the entrance antiphon. Homily was to be there, but no prayer of the faithful. Once the mass is over, all these have to be back in their slot.  Even if there was to be another mass after 1 hour, this ritual had to be observed.  But on Sundays, instead of the two usual candles there used to be six of them burning, and once lit in the morning, they continued to burn till the fourth mass was over.  

On Sundays, the priests had to go to the Church to receive the collection and bring it back to the pastor.  The priests had to assist with the communion service as well. There was a novena to the Blessed Mother of the miraculous medal on Mondays, to St Anthony on Tuesdays and to St. Joseph on Wednesdays, after the 1210 mass. At 1200 the priest would lead the Angelus. 

On Saturdays and Sundays, the priest on duty has to open the church in the morning and close it in the evening. One has to get familiarised with the simple, but peculiar locking system of the doors - four of them! 

There were several deaths and hence there were many occasions of the ministry of officiating the funeral rites, which are very different from the ways in which they are held in Keralam. Funeral homes take charge of the entire affair, once the death of a person is confirmed.  They preserve the body, keep it intact and make it presentable, and as per the desire of the family or the closest relative(s), make arrangements for the funeral - burial, or cremation, or burial of the cremains, arrangements for viewing, including announcements, the church (or other religious institution as per the need of the family or as desired by the dead person), burial site (cemetery, columbarium). Once the funeral is arranged between the church (not necessarily parish church), cemetery (it can be a church cemetery or any other) and the family, the family is free to find a priest of their choice, in case they have anyone of that sort. Or else the parish takes care of arranging a priest. And he would go to the wake service (usually held on the previous evening), lead the office for the dead, meet with the relatives, and gather some facts regarding the departed person which could be used in the gospel message cum memorial sermon at the funeral mass.  They could also make a choice from among the list of songs the choir is able to sing, and from the list of readings available. The most solemn function in the church appears to be the funeral, and it is said to be quite expensive as well - perhaps, many would not think of dying, as it may be quite unaffordable to die! The sermons are expected to be a mix of wit and wisdom - some risible aspects of the departed person's life being mentioned, are received well, if appropriately presented. The people like to laugh and cry remembering the departed person.  Many parishes permit eulogies to be said at the end of the mass, some do not permit it in the church, but if someone wanted to, they could do that after the funeral service in the cemetery. 

Here too, there was no common meal or cooking except for Sunday lunch which was offered by one of the parishioners from her own restaurant, and we were free to choose anything from their menu. It was delivered at the rectory and the priests present usually ate that meal together.  Fr Biju, before his departure for vacation, gave me a clear idea as to how I could stay comfortably getting my provisions from any of the nearby stores or food corners, and put me totally at ease. 

My final stint was with Christ the King Church, Yonkers. The parish priest Fr Robert Robbins just celebrated his 75th birthday.  Usually, priests retire at the age of 75.  Fr Robbins says to me that now New York is extending the age to 80, as they have an acute shortage of people. I don't know whether he is feeling happy about it or displeased. Seeing my luggage he made a comment: have you come to stay for a year? I felt a little embarrassed that in spite of my policy of minimal accumulation and baggage, I had so many things - perhaps, the warm clothes, the extra pair of shoes, the unwarranted shawl, an irrelevant cassock, and bicycle gear made it look too large.  Besides, I had brought an alb, a kettle and a water filter from Biju's place, which would all go back to him after a month. 

Yonkers parish appeared a place where one could have all the time one wanted - a relaxed (read, lazy) day -  wake up, get prepared aaraam se, and offer the mass at 9 am. Then you are left to do your work, with hardly any other engagement.  The parish has very minimum of other activities. And funerals, are very few, and not a task for the guest priest. Fr Robbins, the parish priest, having celebrated his 75th birthday, is still a very active presence, not giving any outward sign of weariness of having walked the planet over 75 years.  And his homilies showed great sensitivity towards the issues of Palestine and the Holy Land, an aspect which generally, the pastors of the US dare not touch.  The good things about the parish was that most of the people were local, had lived there for generations, having had schooling around, perhaps, in the parish school itself, and having a kind of fellowship of the locality among them. 

Fortunately for me, there were two good things around here - 1) The River Hudson was just about 10 minutes walk, the walk itself would serve as a fitness program for the day 2) My professional acquaintance turned friend, Sajan, who is now a very senior official in the health ministry (Directing one section of a state hospital, where he leads a team of doctors and other health professionals), brought a very chic bicycle for me to use while I stayed at Yonkers. I hoped to regain some vigour and health.  But with adverse weather, I could venture out only about 10 times. The terrain was very hilly and you did have to struggle in either direction - in the inclines with very cautious application of the brakes, and on the climbs, with real struggle to ride the bike up getting the support of the lowest gear! 

There was just one mass a day, and 3 days in a week the pastor would lead the celebration and the other 3 days, the associate (substitute)! Fr Robbins gave me the freedom to go around when I didn't have the mass saying it was not necessary for me to be there, when there was no mass! That freedom helped me to make a quick visit to Houston and to Boston and Maryland.  

There were 3 or 4 Malayalee families and some of them were very friendly with me, finding great spiritual support in the newly found Malayalee priest, and requesting favours of offering the conventional 'Gregorian Mass'! Though I still am not sure of its status, since the province has a policy of accepting such requests I readily obliged. 

From my experience with the Malayalee families in both these parishes, I found that they were bearing the cross of the cultural transition that invariably happens in such migrant families - balancing between work and home, career and children, Malayalee Christian culture and the modern US culture! May they be helped through the power of the word and the realistic acceptance of the cultural realities. 

I try to americanize my otherwise Indian-mallu English by stressing and rolling the 'rs' and trasforming aas to aes (laaf becomes laef, last becomes laest, graant becomes graent) - apparently, the effort is rewarded with appreciation: 'Father, we can follow your sermons'.... etc. Generally, people appear to be happy with the visitor priest, and they say nice things, perhaps not intending them: 'Oh father, you should stay!'.  Some appear genuine, otherwise, it appears all part of the genuinely phoney American culture - phoniness is not a put-on, it is part of the culture.  Yes, in your social exchanges, you have to sugarcoat everything (thank you, excuse me, I'm sorry, after you, please - including 'please go to hell') - whereas when it comes to business and finance, it could be mean - either politely, or very meanly mean! It could be hire and fire! 

But I have time in plenty - so I pray for the people, the parishioners, my relatives, my congregation, for the ministries entrusted to me, for peace in the Holy Land and Ukraine and the world over! 

Glory to God in the highest!
And peace to people of goodwill! 

I have had the peace of Christ in the last two months (not that I am not having it otherwise), and the goodwill of my good young friends Frs Biju Naranath and Sebastian Illickakunnel and Frs. Provincial and General! For the first time, I found some of my confreres being very generous with me, offering me some gifts in dollars or by way of flight tickets to their place! Fr Biju was very solicitous and generous, so too my good friend Abraham Kannampala. That was hitherto an unknown experience for me, but for once when I visited our Toronto brothers a long time back in 2001. 

May they all be well! May all be well! 

As the celebrant prays concluding the Syro Malabar Qurbana - 'I do not know whether I shall come again!'