Ajna - Blemishless Heart and Cheerful Countenance

Ajna - Blemishless Heart and Cheerful Countenance

Ajna - Somehow, I had taken notice of Ajna - perhaps from the intake interview, perhaps because of the name, perhaps because of her involvement with Jesus Youth.  From the day one, I wondered what this name meant, and why this name was given to her.  In Malayalam, it would imply someone ignorant.  However, over the years, I came to understand her as a 'seeker of true wisdom' and having gone from us with the assurance of having found it, found him!

I noticed in Ajna perseverance and a heart that does not get weary in pursuing her purposes.  My initial skepticism about Jesus Youth, and almost any student initiative on the campus, with the  likelihood of it being 'politically motivated' put all those who came for a permission to the test of perseverance.  They had to clarify the purpose, they had to have the faculty in-charge vouch for the programme, they have to ensure how they would manage the campus discipline and environmental concerns... it usually involved 3 to 4 trips to the principal's office to get permission for an activity, howsoever well meaning that was to be.  However, I found her persevering, not reacting, no sign of desperation, but finally succeeding. 

She always appeared and responded with a kind of diffused smile, not really evident, but sill there. 

Though I knew that she was a good student, when she cleared the coveted UGC-NET exam in the first sitting (that is  what my impression is), I was really surprised.  I was glad that she was selected as a faculty member in our sister concern, Rajagiri.  I was also quick to learn that perhaps on the very first day of her life as a teacher, she was found to be with the potential malignancy. (If I recall correctly, I happened to meet her somewhere in Vyttila, as she was about to go on the new assignment, at the same time revealing this aspect as well.) 

The test of fire of the gold that she was began with that instance, I think.  How from an apparent innocuous rash on the cheek, it developed into a cancer, and how she went through the painful proceedings with amazing patience, astonishing hope and unimaginable fortitude, is a text in holiness. And how at each stage of recovery, in spite of the pain, she bounced back into life. 

SH was fortunate to have had her as a faculty after the first level of recovery.  It was only after her illness that I realised that it was she who worked like a catalyst to transform the Jesus Youth unit of SH into a vibrant Jesus spirited group, under the effective guidance of Fr Sabu. 

The second and much more painful treatment was where her courage and faith came to the fore.  While visiting her with the perplexity as to how to console her, we were put at ease by her.  And she became part of our community, our prayer. 

I was reluctant to see her, when I came to know that there was again a recurrance.  However, I did go with Fr Joseph, who was instrumental in getting her engaged during the second phase by making her teach the seminarians, and which, I think was a great inspiration and a help to the seminarians.  While we were there the adverse effects of the malignancy was already apparent on her face, and she had to sustain herself with food being given directly to the stomach by means of a tube.  But she exhibited no trace of annoyance or made any complaint, but received us sweetly. 

The last of my visits to her was with Fr. Sabu, just a few days before her final departure, and in spite of the very disturbing appearnce, and my anxiety as to how to respond to her, we were easily engaging in conversation and she showed great interest in learning about my pan India trip, and responded with the learner's curiosity to watch the pictures of the trip.  Perhaps, she did that to make me comfortable and happy, though my intention was to give her a distraction of some sort.  Fr Sabu shared his great admiration as to the dignity with which she bore herself and her trauma.

While I had lost any hope of her recovering, from my last visit, I found quite a few of her teachers still very hopeful and persevering in prayer. In my daily prayers, mass and rosary, Ajna was a constant presence, but I felt disappoiinted that my prayers were not heard as I wanted them to be heard by the Lord. However, the Lord's plan has revealed today through Ajna the possibility of sanctity, possibility of the imitation of Christ, how to face adversity in life. 

Her enthusiasm to learn lasted till the end, and in the last visit, we learnt from her mother was she was feeling disappointed when she felt that the power to learn was being snatched from her; but the phase passed and she was thrilled to have accomplished the learning tasks she had set for her. 

As it had been now told and retold, we definitely have a powerful presence before the Lord, and an inspiring youth - who lived life, and encountered the vicissitudes of life with great courage, perseverance, zest; who enjoyed life in spite of the limiting constraints on it, in whom the Lord's promises of joy (Jn 15:11) and life (Jn 10:10) have found fulfillment. 

I deem myself fortunate to have been among her teachers (though I did not actually teach her), and having had the good fortune of being visited by her for various permissions, and having visited her at her home a few times during her illness. I sensed the sanctity of a true follower of Christ, a true replica of Sacred Heart in her.

I am now happy that Sacred Heart (college) has a saint, a martyr - having been a witness which demanded much more than a cruel and painful death by sword or knife or gun, but a much severe test of persevering in faith and hope in adversity, a real challenge for any Christian who tries to follow Christ.  

പ്രിയമുള്ളതെല്ലാം ഒരുജ്ജ്വല സത്യത്തിനൂർജ്ജമായ്‌ നൽകിയ രക്തസാക്ഷി ...

എവിടെയോ കത്തിച്ച് വച്ചോരു ചന്ദന തിരി പോലെ എരിഞ്ഞ  രക്തസാക്ഷി ...

 I pray and look forward to God's great plan unraveling in her being raised to the honours of the altar. Indeed she lives with the Lord and I hope the challenge of sanctity and zeal in devotion to the Lord she raises will be responded to by all of us beginning with me! 

This is the prayer from the Eucharist (Syro Malabar rite) that she reminds me: Lord help us always to be blemishless, of pure heart and of joyful  countenance (നിർമലഹൃദയരും പ്രസന്നവദനരും നിഷ്കളങ്കരും ) before you - as she walked thus before us and before the Lord.