Aetty's Funeral Ceremony - July 2, 2024, Wednesday

Well, I began writing this as a P.S. but it got so lengthy that I decided to share it separately. 

It was so gracious of the sisters, as well as our family, to think of postponing the funeral to suit my convenience. I would not have imagined that they would do that. 

I was amazed at the array of people who turned up - first of all, very happy that good many of our cousins - from Ammachi's side and from Ummamma's side from Vaikom - turned up. Then Palakkappilly-Payyappilly family was very prominently represented. There were also people from Perumanur like Njarackaveli, Kalathiveettil, Thekkanath groups - turning up. People who worked with her, who benefitted from her ministry - the sisters told - several of them, by word of mouth conveyed the news and managed to come and pay her respects. 

I would rather have said a vote of thanks on behalf of all of us, than preach a funeral homily. But I thought of making the best of the situation.  But then, the first reading about the just (wo)men (Wisdom Chap. 3) was somehow missed when Lischechi beautifully read out the first reading.  So my vital link was lost. But I decided not to get worked up because of that.  

My preoccupation was Aetty's painful last few years of retired lifealmost clouding her buoyant early years of joyful ministry. I tried to take solace in the Wisdom saying, and also to realise that the ageing-related dispositions are not always within one's control - it is like an illness, happening to you, and you are suffering, while others are also put to some amount of suffering unwittingly. 

Aetty felt that her hearing loss and sight were not given adequate attention, and perhaps, those being addressed, she could still lead her fiercely independent life. 

AETTY - THE ENTHUSIAST

I felt sorry to see her emaciated figure. Whenever she came home, she was a figure of action at home, and at the church, a figure of impeccable grooming and prayerfulness. But I have only a span of about 8 years for such experience, as after leaving home in 1980, there was hardly any occasion for me to be there at home when Aetty stayed, barring those rare days of my visit to Chalakkudy/Maradu/Perinthalmanna when Aetty was a visitor there.  Our home, with so many of us around, was relatively cleaner place when compared to similar houses in our circle those days. But when Aetty arrived, a new level was reached in cleanliness and orderliness - that is my impression.  She was trying to replicate the convent culture there. 

She was an enthusiastic person. And she went about doing good, after her Master (Act 10:39), especially for the poor, after the great Saint Elizabeth of Hungary, whose namesake she was. Enthusiasm is also explained as a combination of the Greek terms 'en' and 'theos', which means 'being IN GOD'.  And that is what a Christian or a religious person is supposed to be, drawing energy from the inexhaustible source of energy.

The array of the church people visiting Aetty was remarkable - from the Jesuits:  the new provincial,  brother of Sr Iris, is very well known to Aetty; but he could not come as he was taking charge anew, and had sent many of his confreres.  OCDs in the neighbourhood - a few of them came and prayed. Former members of SD convent Perumanur came in a group - most likely because of Paul's network with them. There was a routine contigent from CRI (Conference of Religious Institutions) led by my good friend, presently general Councillor, Rev. Fr Biju Vadakkel CMI. 

Sr Suni DHM, once upon a time my younger colleague, read out a comprehensive picture of Aetty's life.  The last rites and the solemn mass were led by the Auxiliary Bishop of Varapuzha Antony Valungal(?), ably assisted by the Vicar General Fr Mathew Velathinkal?  The Bishop's introduction was also a very comforting and inspiring one and there was hardly anything left to be said, I felt. There was a very senior priest, Fr Antony...., and the chaplain Fr Titus (formerly parish priest of St. Joseph, Thevara) read the gospel.  And I preached the homily, drawing inspiration from Vavachayan's reflection on Jesus' death leading to the proclamation by the centurion: Indeed, he was a Son of God!  Aetty's death was the final victory - a smooth passing over to the new world, soaked in prayer. Two days of accompaniment by many, including the closest of her relatives, and to smoothly glide into that timeless state. (They recalled Saju's timely intervention, helping her to regurgitate, leading to great ease before that final easement.) Ummamma was fortunate to be supported by Ammachi and Aetty to pass to the next world. I think Aetty was much more fortunate, with her sister nuns as well as almost all of us family beside her in those last hours. 

I would look at Aetty's 80 plus years with great happiness - having seen 1000 full moons (81 years) itself is considered in our tradition a great milestone. I think that part she achieved with great sobriety.  Her early phase was of hard struggle against the odds, making oneself a self-made person, skilled and earning one's livelihood. The occasion to be attracted to Vimalayam is still a mystery to me - though the sisters recounted her occasion to come to Vimalayam for industrial skill training and then being pulled in that direction. Perhaps, the charisma of Sr Treesamma (whom Aetty used to call Miss Treesamma, after the style they had adopted for the congregation as such) also had a role. Then after the short period of training came, here 3 to 4 decades long enthusiastic work with various communities - chiefly, I would say Kottayam, Trivandrum, Kara and Gothuruth.  Apparently the last two decades was marked with being under the influence of the charismatic movement and consequent biblical devotion -  some practices appearing to be stupid to normal eyes. And then those last years - about 5 years - of suffering.  The last meeting I had with her, on April 25th, she was drastically altered.  Her physical frame was waning. Her eyes did not meet you.  They were kind of transfixed. She had no more complaints of hearing or hearing loss.  She was gazing already into eternity, and her prayers were almost solely 'at the hour of my death - call me and bid me come to you'... And as a Christian would view, befittingly for a daughter of the Heart of Mary, she was called to the Lord on the feast of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, which follows the feast of the Sacred Heart, immediately after. 

WITNESSES GALORE 

There were five witnesses today: Only later did it occur to me that I should have taken a picture of these people. 

One artist looking Rajiv from Gothuruth recalled how she dared to pull him out of the country liquour bar and forced him into a life of abstinence. Mostly successful. Though the sisters say that some times he slips back. But he appeared to be well-read and appreciating what Aetty had done for him 

One smart tall young man - Jomin (??) who was touched by Elizabeth as she visited his mother who was ill, and tried to support the family in trouble. He is a great fan of Elizabeth and was there all through the ceremony. 

Another tall middle-aged man - Johnson from Kara, recalls how Aetty caned (chooral) him and forced him to come to Church, which his parents could not do.  He has been in touch with Elizabeth since then. 

One of my SH colleagues of support staff was there, recalling how she helped his family through their financial crisis, helping them find a job and supporting in various other ways through their crisis. They are related to Rosily, who was a great friend of Elizabeth, but had quit the religious life after some time. 

As I was departing, the sisters said they were happy with what I had shared. That is a consolation. And they added that an SD sister had come in the morning with a mother, to tell what Elizabeth had done for them. Her son was found to be good for nothing, and she sought Elizabeth's help. And he made efforts to help him with the basics of English, which led him into priestly training, and lo and behold, he is getting ordained this year! 

Sr Ancy, a much younger, but great companion of Aetty, confided that Mother Dilema (who is also known to me) had remembered her and had conveyed her regards with a note. I hope that will be shared with me soon, which I will add here. 

My dear Ancy, I received the news of our dear Elizabeth's return home to the Father this evening. Memories of her very first days in the Society come back to.me. The point that struck me about her was her readiness to help.and be.of service to anyone in all circumstances. May the Lord in His infinite goodness welcome her to be forever with Him and may she pray.for us all in the Society. The Immaculate heart.of Mary keeps her in her warm embrace too. Rest in.peace dear Elizabeth.

I was thoroughly comforted by the great impact Aetty had had on individuals and families. Perhaps, we hardly knew this work of Aetty.  

Hence, I choose Wisdom, chapter 3, for celebrating her entry into eternity: 

1. But the souls of the righteous are in the hand of God, and no torment shall touch them. 

2. In the eyes of the foolish, they seemed to die; and their passing away was thought an affliction.

3. And their going forth from us, utter destruction. But they are in peace.

4. For if to others, indeed, they seem punished, yet is their hope full of immortality;

5. Chastised a little, they shall be greatly blessed, because God tried them and found them worthy of himself.

I thank God for Aetty the great, for whom Kochangala, his wife (chechi) and their children were the greatest possessions. 

REV. SR. ELIZABETH LONAN DHM - AETTY

AETTY, OUR BELOVED AUNT

June 28, 2025 - Since yesterday, I had been receiving alerts from various corners that Aetty's health was failing.  I dedicated today's mass in honour of the Immaculate Heart of Mary for Aetty.  What a blessing that almost all of us, her only kin, so to speak, her nephews and nieces, visited her today - some of them stayed on, and saw her easing into eternity.  I am no longer able to be sorry - though I will miss her - I consider this indeed as 'moksham' which also means mukti or liberation! For a believer, it is the passage to eternity - and we hope, with the source of eternal joy and peace - God our father and mother! 

 During my last visit, in April, I was taken aback by the transformation that had taken place in her over a period of 8 months. We met her in August, walking around, speaking, and eating well at our pre-wedding gathering of Lisa d/o Saju.  Now she was emaciated. And when I called on her, she struggled to sit up. I had to support her for sitting up, and I felt there was great struggle to bend her back. She was all through muttering one line prayers calling on Jesus.  After a while, I took a cue from her mutterings, and lead her in some traditional prayers, most of which she repeated.  But there was no other response at the personal level. 

It reminded me of the sprightly Aetty arriving home at night from Trivandrum on learning of her mother's illness, way back in 1979. Though I felt a little odd, she was there thoroughly preparing her mom to go peacefully. And I recall her loud cry,  'Amme, amme' as she departed at night, after a short struggle for breath. I think it was she who suggested to Vellyechi Psalm 122:1  for the memorial picture to be printed: 'My heart and soul rejoiced when they told me, let us go to God's house'.  May the psalmist's saying and experience of Psalm 23 of the care of the Good Shepherd be true for Aetty, I pray. 

Deo Gracias! We are grateful to the DHM sisters - with whom Aetty grew in the Christian spirit of charity and service, and persevered for over 50 years.  Some of the DHM sisters had been very dear to her - I recall Ms Tresamma, who was mother to her in the congregation, and who was her next door neighbour in her last years. Perhaps Aetty was in rather good health to send her home some 6 years ahead of her.  There was Mother Delema, who was a famous social work figure in Mumbai, and also the general of their congregation in Paris. They were also dear to me, especially with my training in Social Work.  Many of them grew familiar and family to us as well, as almost all of us visited Aetty regularly, and had occasions to interact with her fellow sisters. Then there was Sr Eliamma, who received me in their house at Paris, Sr Thressiamma Kurian, who was a colleague in Ghana with our uncle Fr Antony (who spent almost 3 decades serving Ghana Christians), Sr Iris, who always welcomed me with a beaming smile, Sr Suni, who became my colleague at Rajagiri, Sr Jacinta,  at one time, the Provincial, who was senior to me at TISS pursuing Ph D, when I was doing PG.... several of the superiors of Vimalalayam. 

Having Aetty with the DHM, I have visited their convents in Ernakulam, Panangad, Kara, Kottayam, Trivandrum, Chennai, and because of that connection, convents at Goregaon, Mumbai, Mangalore and Paris.  On Aetty's part, besides the usually taken-for-granted contributions of community outreach to families, publication of a booklet on their founder(s) in Malayalam was something valuable, I trust. 

As we bid her goodbye, we pray that the congregation bears abundant fruit in their radical mission of being amidst people and announcing the good news to them, especially through support for livelihood options. 

July 8, 2022

Aetty - that's the only sibling Ichayan (my father) had. How did Alikutty (for Elizabeth) become Aetty - was it our mom or Vellyechi who created 'A-tty' out of 'Alikutty'. Nobody bothered. She had been Aetty for us all through. Her life is shrouded in mystery - I like to compare her with Melchizedek for apparently no reason.   She is said to have had a very tough sailing as a young girl, having lost the protection of a father, almost at birth, with hardly anyone to protect her. However, she turned out to be a great survivor - becoming a kind of nurse (definitely, with some training), getting employed with port trust, earning on her own, also getting actively involved in church activities around SH monastery, but finally deciding to become a nun in the fashionable or radical order of the daughters of the heart of Mary (DHM), whom we, in Kochi, called Vimalalayam sisters, after their house in the heart of rhe city.  It had a unique charm with stone cladding, which was a rare sight in this part of the world. 

I vaguely remember all of us going to the South Railway station to see her off - perhaps for the initial trip to Bombay, or perhaps, some time later. The lean and thin Alikutty after her initial phase of training at Mumbai, returned rotund and plumb, and professed as a nun in 1972. We all attended the solemn function in the Vimalayam chapel, where she made her first profession.  Our preparation was confined to cooking some country snacks - palaharam (acchappam, avulose unda, cheeda, diamond-cuts) and I thought it was a big deal for those times.  She had turns in places like Bombay, Chennai, Kottayam, Trivandrum, Kara (Kodungalloor) and Kochi. She was always active, prim, and was ever ready to take up tasks - that is my impression. 

Whenever she arrived on a home vacation, once in two years or so, the house went on a cleaning spree... especially the toilets. She was said to be very actively involved with people and their struggles, a charism of DHM, and in later stages became a devout follower of the charismatic movement.   She also had great trust in magnetic therapy. And her adherence to it has continued to date. 

However, last few years she had been feeling quite ill at ease, and rather unhappy with the congregation or rather, its authorities, and was aggrieved that she was not being well taken care of.  Perhaps, it was the age-related problems - involutional melancholia. 

Today, as we met her, I could foresee irritation creeping within me; hence, I decided to join the company of Vellyechi & Davischettan. And we found her excited, agitated and in her effort to greet and meet us, she was getting fits of annoyance and agonising muscular spasms. She got Davis chettan examine and comment on her medication, which, he found to be apt for her situation.  Both of them were rather patient and very supportive of Aetty, and she derived some comfort from them. Davis chettan attributed it all to age-related anxiety, bordering on mild depression (involutional melancholia?). I lost my patience and almost admonished her to take her sufferings as part of Christ's suffering, which she received with some degree of acceptance. 

She had great apprehension regarding Ammachi dying with some bitterness in her mind. Apparently, ammachi did develop some such attitude towards the last stage of her life. Aetty was quite understanding of this turn in her life, and was praying regarding the same. Now she appears to be in more or less that position.  I am afraid, whether this is what would accompany old age - I pray that such bitterness never remains in anyone.. 

This year happens to be her golden Jubilee.  They would have a celebration in August or so. We should think in what way we could make it a joyous occasion. Alternatively, we could think of a small-scale Palakkappilly celebration in the parish with Vavachayan or me around..

Other Notes on Aetty: 

https://prasantamcmi.blogspot.com/2023/11/a-long-day-of-connecting-people.html

Nov. 25, 2023 I have another stopover - to greet Aetty - the incorrigible, adamant Aetty of past her 80s. But she appeared more pleasant and sprightly. I give her sitaphal and sweet Passion Fruit. All these sans any wrapper! She is anxious to treat me with a toffee compulsorily.  I have to give in. Then she orders coffee, which she holds in her hand and spills while I am attending a phone call from my dentist. I speak fiercely through my teeth: Aetty keep that there, and forcefully take that away from her.  Aetty has the sharpness to remind me that it was high time I left the domain of going about institutions and focused on the gospel and sharing of the same with others. I am in agreement.  But make the excuse of the lack of charisma and/or the vow of obedience.  She is unhappy that I am leaving quickly and is determined to get down the stairs to see me off. I fear for her, and ask some of the people there to ensure that she gets back to her room safe. But they say they can't do anything about her, as she is so fiercely determined.  And unless we have ample time, we can't afford to be with her, as she appears to be unable to grasp what we say or see us clearly, claiming that she has lost those two faculties. 

https://prasantamcmi.blogspot.com/2024/04/aged-tour-on-earth-day-encountering.html

April 22, 2024 I managed to reach Vimalayalam and spent some 'quality' time with Aetty. Sr Sophie, Dr Sr Alphonsa, etc gathered around. Aetty was going about carrying a pack of medicines, and cribbing about no one to help her out with the application of the eye drops. Sophie examined and found that 3 of the small plastic dispensers were all empty and she had a new one along. Now she suspects. Perhaps, my endorsement makes it easier for her to let go! I unwrap the packed new ones, there are 2 of them. 

I agree to have a lime juice lest Aetty intervenes and creates a mess. She is under control today. Sr Alphonsa, the only doctor of the congregation is energetic, and tries to reason it out with Aetty.  Aetty is unhappy, as she is not able to do what she wants, in spite of her good health (no health problems), because of her hearing and sight loss.  I  point out to her the examples of people who have nothing, and the many things we have that we take for granted. I tell her about our former provincial Bp Gregory who has gone blind, and at 90, the congregation didn't feel like experimenting with a treatment costing around 30 lakhs, with no guarantee of eyesight restored, but he leads a cheerful life. And I challenge her to take up her daily cross for the millions who are even much worse disposed. And she kind of swallows in and doesn't refute.  I also tell her about the status of Vellichayan and refers to his gradual loss of memory to register with her the blessedness she enjoys.  Apparently, she was put to ease...Don't know for how long! She is comforted to learn that Vivek and Annie are doing well. 

We have plenty of kisses and hugs to exchange. I should have said a prayer. We force a smile on her to take a pic. I insist her not to come down and she is ok with it. Next time, if possible, I hope to find time to visit her and join the community celebration of the mass. 

I also meet Sr Eliamma, Sr Thressiamma who all gracefully greeted me and enquired after the rest of my brothers and sisters. 

In the Company of Vavachayan – Sitapur Letter

In the Company of Vavachayan – Sitapur Letter   Jan 10, 2025

Glad to catch up with Vavachayan, my uncle Rev. Fr T.A. Antony CMI. Having been in the order now for more than four decades together (though never in one place), we have become more fellow (to-a-great-extent-like-minded) members of the order than close relatives.  But being relatives, we do have many things to share when we meet. Our common interests border on religious life with sensitivity to and responsible living on the planet, with a special focus on waste minimisation and management. 

He usually lives in Srinagar (Garhwal, UP) at a cultural centre - Sadharmyam, which promotes inter-cultural dialogue.  Last two weeks he was in Leharpur in Sitapur district (UP), which is about 30 kms from where I live, Naipalapur.  He was substituting the two young priests there who had gone to Keralam for vacations.  As such, there is no Christian community there. However, 2 teacher families from Keralam and 2 staff families (husband-wife) from Jharkhand are there, and they take part in the daily mass. Even our Nepali cook and the yard keeper, and the accountant seem to take part in the mass though they are not Christians.

It is rather cold here (min. 6 and max 19 or 20) and the Sun does not make a regular visible appearance. This morning, he appeared very tame and meek as a moon. I should have captured his appearance.  Even with 4 or 5 layers of clothing, one still feels cold.

As all these stations fall under the one big parish (with around 40 families spread all over this district), we get together on various occasions.  Last week, he came to join us for the birthday celebration of Rev Dr George Athappilly, my colleague, who has the unique distinction of having been the only Ph D scholar guided by our beloved former President Abdul Kalam.  (He teaches computer science to our BCA students.  And also for our MCAs. He finds our students faring much better than the engineering students he had taught in various engineering colleges in Keralam; at Anna University, and at St. Charles Institute of Technology, Nagpur.  Perhaps, he holds the unique distinction of having taught in more than 10 engineering colleges in a span of 20 years or less. He is passionate about and obsessed with teaching programming to the youngsters).

For birthday, we went out to eat – one  of the few such occasions with us.  This was further necessitated by our helpers with cooking – Rebeka and Manoj (husband and wife) – having taken their well-deserved vacation for the past week.

Vavachayan and I shared some time at the dining table and took a walk around our ground with 6 tracks of 200 metres laid.  5 rounds will make a 1 km walk.  I was shivering in the cold in spite of having completed 5 rounds. And Vavachyan’s jogging amounted to a 75% brisk walk on my end. So we parted company and I ran another 5 rounds which made me warm, but still leaving no sign of perspiration. I could still manage to continue without a change of dress. But I treat myself to the luxury of a warm water bath. 

Our Superior is Rev Dr Johny Purakatt.  It is his silver jubilee year of priesthood. For those familiar with Thevara School – he is the son of Antony Maash, who taught for almost 3.5 decades at SH Upper Primary school. Originally from Kumbalam, he got settled  in Thevara, when their land was taken for the rail project. He was teaching when I was a student of the high school.  Later, he served as Catechism Headmaster of the monastery chapel school for many years, before finally winding up such ministries around 2015. At 90+ he is still fine.  Fr Johny also happens to be the nephew of Fr George Earathara of KCSL fame; and his brother Babichan was my batch-mate. His mother has been bed-ridden for the past two years plus. 

Fr Johny is a great host and he tries to make every guest feel welcome. So he insists on Vavachayan staying over for another day. At night, kappa with chicken curry is prepared. And he brings a cake to be cut by Vavachayan and a bottle of non-alcoholic Jacobb’s wine (which tasted like Vinegar) in honour of Vavachayan, as he does not prefer alcoholic wine(s).

We have a good time at the expense of each other. He enjoys our great garden and the wonderful collection of Chrysanthemums (over 30 varieties), maintained by the efforts our the Vice Principal Rev. Dr Sajimon Philip.

This morning, we celebrate Mass together. Vavachayan is on semi-fast (and I am on full fast – more from a health angle than any pious intention), it being Friday. Fr. Johny drives him to the bus stand. Vavachayan wanted to travel at night, but he does not prefer AC or sleeper buses. So we suggest he travels without reservation – either get a straight bus to Rishikesh/Dehradun/Haridwar to get down at Najibabad (Bijnor Dt) – almost 350 kilometres from where he could get a bus to his destination, Srinagar – another 150 plus kilometres along the Garhwal hills.  Probably, having to get connections at Kotdwar and Pauri (Garhwal). It is winter. So if one is well protected, travel is more pleasant than travelling in the hot summer.

Most likely, he will reach only tomorrow, with a break at Najibabad, where the Bijnor Provincial house is – I spent almost three years there as an undergrad student.

We put him on a Delhi bus, which will reach Moradabad via Bareilly in about 5 hours, from where he will get the Najibabad bus which might take another 1 or 2 hours. 

At 79, Vavachayan is calm, healthy, engaging in manual labour, lending all possible services as a pastor wherever required. Happy for him, as he is into his 53^rd year of being a priest. Praise the Lord!

Wish you all a Happy Jubilee Year to be ‘Pilgrims of Hope’ in an apparently hopeless world.