18 December 2015
The college has closed down for Christmas vacation.
Precisely on 15th night, I had a minor discomfort
on the right knee – just below the knee or/and on the left hand side of the
right knee. Still I managed to play
basket ball, rather spiritedly. However,
in the morning, it was rather hurting and making it not so easy to walk. However, though limping, managed to play. It was worse off at night and in the morning.
All the same, by evening, managed to do some massage and get ready for
game. Night it still got worse, and it
was hurting. Sitting in padmasana and
walking was not easy. Evening also it
has continued. There are two points of
pain pressure. On the left side of the
right knee in a slight depression near the patella. The next one appears to have a swelling (or
is it a tumor?) and that is behind the knee joint, in the more fleshy area
around knee. It’s hurting – especially while moving.
This was a time when my basket ball game – especially,
shooting prowess, appeared to have registered phenomenal improvement. For today, I did not play (Could not
play). And as I am entering retreat – a
special type – walking around retreat – it may wither off, God willing!
Jan. 26, 2016 Tuesday
Happy Republic Day!
As I look back over the past one month plus of my health
condition, I feel like being a republic – in spite of all oddities that have
affected my self-rule over my own well-being! But also with some regret, I
notice that I missed saluting the flag, and being part of the RD celebrations
at the College, which have become stronger and healthier over the past few
years! Bharat Mata Ki Jai!
Back to my well-being, regrets apart, reluctant but
inevitable rest (from games) not withstanding, the shooting pain at the knee
only increased. When I found some
respite, I indulged in games 3 or 4 times during the period.
By 20th it was really hurting and our campus
overseer of health, Dr. Raju, even without getting my consent got an
appointment with the orthopaedician at Medical Trust on Thursday. It all got over soon. Dr. Vipin Theruvil, got his expert fingers on
a spot and asked if it was hurting, when I responded in affirmative, he said it
was likely that the meniscus had some injury.
X-Ray revealed nothing special. Doctor advised rest for a week, some
balm, or treatment with warm water and salt, and if no improvement after a
week, come back for an MRI scan and further treatment. Good friend and
Heartian, M.A. Joseph, the hospital physiotherapist told if doctor’s opinion
were the case, then it would require rest, even from biking, as I remarked that
biking was more comfortable than walking.
Two days gone, the pain gradually increased. And on Sunday, as I got up, to get ready for
morning mass, the knee was severely hurting making it difficult even to
walk. However, it was too late for
anyone to be called upon to entrust the mass.
I managed to get across to the monastery, have bath, prepare a few lines
of notes for sermon, and managed to be in time for 7 am Mass, my movement
making it obvious that there was something wrong. I asked the server to put the chair close to
me so that I didn’t have to take 3 steps back to get seated. Sermon over, the mass progressed, but after
consecration, I was feeling very uncomfortable – a fear began to lurk within me
that I may fall down – darkness was spreading ‘in my eyes’ and I was not
altogether unfamiliar with such instances.
However, to have to stop the mass mid-way would have been disastrous! I
prayed that I be strengthened to complete the mass. Somehow rushed through intercessory prayers
and epiclesis and entered penitentiary rites.
Then I felt I would collapse. I
held on to the altar, and sat down in the chair – perhaps just in time to avert
a fall. I perspired profusely and asked the altar server for some water, it was quickly
brought. Bless God, the discomfort
passed, perhaps it took a minute or two, but I was back on my feet, though not
in full vigour. Got help for holy
communion and I remained seated during
that time, recovering. For the last prayers,
I was back to normal and expressed my regret to the congregation.
In a way, I was happy that no one cared to come over and ask
what happened. Perhaps, they didn’t realize. But on reflection, I feel a little surprised –
if they realized, does no body care? Is
this a dilemma? Because, when people
show care/concern/solicitude, I generally feel irritated. But when no body
cares, then I think, doesn’t any body care! But, then, I affirm and say, ‘I - don’t - care’!
Similar case continues – I am not happy to have people
bothered about my being sick, and I feel rather okay, if no body asks questions
about my illness, happier, if they don’t come to visit. Perhaps, it is a reaction developed over the
years. I have seen people being hurt,
sentimental and even making accounts of who all visited or didn’t visit them when
they were ill. I felt that if someone visited out of goodness it is good. Now a days, it is becoming more of a
formality – that you ought to visit, whether you care or not is a different
matter. It is good manners, curtsey. It has made me determined to have no
visitors if I were sick (which I hardly ever happen to be) and cause least
disturbance to others on my account. On
the other hand, I also agree that these are the ways in which we show our
concern, care, fellowship etc. and can derive the comfort of support from others. So from my end, I thought I would try my
level best to have them enquired after or visited if my colleagues, confreres, neighbors,
family were to take ill, but expect the least of that sort towards me. Now it has come to a point where I feel
irritated at such show of interest. On the other hand, my curtsey calls are also
very typical – though I am aware of it, I am not able to do otherwise – I log
in, don’t browse for long, log out. At
times, it goes to the level of mere register entries. One thing, I generally assure is that they are
in my prayers – however, weak or minimal they are. At times, I have a written list which I go
through in prayer.
Responses like what some of friends have - do really come
from heart – from a natural concern.
Without seeking our consent or permission making arrangements in such a
way that you are forced to go – perhaps, making it a very timely
intervention. It’s the second time that
Raju had taken such an initiative, and had proven it beneficial to me. Three years ago, when I was afflicted with a
recurring fever, and I had gone on my own by bicycle – he came after me, and
after the first assessment by Dr. Pattam to go for further tests, insisted on
taking me to the testing centre.
Perhaps, I also feel the thrill of being the brave (bravado),
macho man, who is able to put up with any adversity – and also publicise the
same. As I often say to the students, ‘if
not born tough, trained or made tough’.
And I feel rather proud about
that – Thus in spite of the hurting knee, I managed to trek all the way up and
down, almost invariably in front, to Meenoliyanpara – almost 11 kms and at 2500
ft above sea level!! And that too, with
my worn out chappals, not even a pair of shoes. (Likely that it made the
matters worse)
Diagnosis and Treatment
After the holy mass episode on Sunday, I tried other
methods - had the area bandaged, put on
a knee cap, tried to lie down – none of these seemed to help. I indicated to Fr. Prior that I may need to
go to hospital, and he responded that perhaps, it may be good to go to Rajagiri
to the orthopaedician Dr. Murugan Babu.
As the pain was not getting abated, I enquired with Fr. Austin, and he
suggested that I go there without wasting time, that there will be someone or
other to take care, even if it were Sunday.
Thus a quick decision was arrived at, and accompanied by
Melbin the I DC scholastic, Johnson took me to Rajagiri Hospital. Oh boy, it
was really hurting. And I struggled to
get out of the car, and was carried on a wheel chair. I liked the way in which the emergency medicine
responded. In no time, registration,
initial check up, and the decision to go for an MRI – vow!! What I am hearing about Rajagiri as a Caring King
(rather, King of Carers) appears to be
true. Sure, being a CMI, being also a
member of the Governing Body (wonder whether anyone knows that) may be making
some difference. But generally, good
things being told about Rajagiri, I felt, were genuine.
As said about Jesus, ‘He does all things well’
Fortunately, I could meet the senior consultant Dr. Murugan
in the afternoon. He looked at MRI, confirmed
the meniscus tear, but expressed fear regarding the knee bone – whether there
was some deterioration in its health. He
agreed to do the surgery on Monday itself, perhaps towards evening though it
was not his turn for surgery. Later on,
I was told that we could have it done at 7 am and I had to be on fast from
mid-night – a simple matter for me.
Had a good veg lunch from the canteen and kanji & chammanti for supper. Morning all set with those hospital dress for
operation. But by 10 am news arrived
that it could be done only in the evening, and I was permitted to have
breakfast. Had 2 sandwiches and an omelet. At 3.30 shifted to OP. Initial check ups done. Then I don’t know when it all happened. I had seen the two anaesthetists – Dr. Annie
& Dr. Salini – giving instructions to the team (even reprimanding) and
introducing the procedure to me, then some pricking with some needles around
the backbone near hip, then a period of sleep, I woke up to see dimly lit OT
with a screen on my left side and doctor Murugan or Tom (not sure) giving
instructions and also narrating to me what is happening. He showed me the knee junction, the two major
bones, the stuffings in between, ligaments.
The cartilaginous meniscus and its damaged section and some unevenness on
the bone showing slight damage. That
wakeful state lasted perhaps for half an hour, and then I don’t recall what
happened. I woke up to see myself in
post-operative room for some time, and I was further shifted to surgical ICU,
in a special cell.
Later, I came to know that the medical team was a bit
confused seeing my BP dip low one time, and pulse rate consistently showing
around 45/p m. Later they realized that
I generally had a low pulse rate (55/pm).
I had never come across such low pulse rate ever. Once the doctor came
for regular rounds in the morning, after assessing this matter, and the
condition of the knee, he said I could be shifted to the room and could be
discharged by afternoon.
Against my desire, I had to give in and had to have medicines
as prescribed by the doctor. I think I
was given 6 doses of paracetamol (cobimol) IV, some sedatives. The last injection, I forgot what it was, was
given with some kind of an antidote (?).
The nurse told me that it may cause nausea. Any how, after that, I did feel kind of
dizzy, slur in speech, irritation of skin (which is continuing even now after
almost 5 hours). After the initial day,
I lost keeping track of the medicines, though they were not very many. Now I am given two pills for next five days –
Lypen – D for morning and evening and Pantocid for morning. The detailed discharge summary was
interesting. To my lay eyes it all
appeared good, as everything was between the limits, except uric acid which was
7.4 above the prescribed level of 7.2. Doctor promised to discuss this in our
next meeting. I have, at my level
started drinking more water – thinking it would dilute the uric acid!!
At Rajagiri, I was greeted with the good news that our good
friend, Fr. Varghese afflicted with GBS is gradually on his way back to
recovery. A brother of one of our
priests in Bijnor (Fr. Justin) who was brutally attacked by a band of professional
killers, was out of danger. In this past
one month, Rajagiri treated quite a number of CMIs and most of them are doing
really well – Fr. Sylvester (85) knee replacement, Fr. Sepharin (75) – prostate,
Fr. George (65) – prostate, Fr. Palatty – by-pass, Fr. Alex – heart treatment, Fr. Joy – heart treatment,
Fr. Pius – critically ill –ocular cancer, Fr. Pynadath, Fr. Charles, Br Reju
scholastic (juvenile diabetes , low BP)!! The list may be longer!
This gave me occasion to confront what I thought would be
very embarrassing kind of situations – dressing and undressing related to
treatment, a very difficult situation regarding passing urine after operation,
finally having had to take recourse to catheter, once. Finally, when it all came to pass, you take
it in its stride. They happen and you
move on.
When I make use of such facilities and take them for granted,
I am bound to think of the vow of poverty as well. It did occur to me. So I did weigh the options (but, I have
options, whereas many others don’t have). We justify it by costs in terms of
our service and time. My decision to go
for a medical insurance (now uninterrupted over 10 years), perhaps taxes the
congregation less, or make it affordable for a lower or middle middle class
person. My last treatment of similar
nature, one night at MAJ Edappally, was thus funded by the insurance
company. I hope this time also it works
out similarly. Perhaps, that was a
worldly wise decision enabling me to strike balance between vow of poverty and
affording modern medical services. As
the age increases, perhaps, I may have to think of a higher coverage. I don’t know what the bills have come up
to. My coverage as of now is for Rs.
50000.00
But to the medical care team – the task is really tough – to
have the right balance between technical accuracy, human care. And I felt that they were doing well –
especially, the doctors and the nurses.
The organizing of care at Rajagiri appeared really good – you feel good
about being there. The facilities are
good, the reception and the treatment are good, the costs are competitive, if
not moderate. The high risk venture we
have entered into, and the many deliberations we have had on care, social
justice, gospel etc. appear to be bearing fruit. Sacred Heart the great healer is hopefully
guiding us, and the Chavara spirit is sustaining us. I think the CMIs there are putting up a real
good show of early Christian Community – the team work which has seen the
emergence of a centre of caring and healing, rather than medical business. I hope the Ultimate Carer and Healer will see
to it that the effort is sustained.
Though I feel unhappy for having to undergo treatment, I feel happy to
have had a first hand experience of our care!!
I am back – for the time being I have been advised to remain
on the ground floor, and I have obeyed, though I have no problem in climbing
up. Fr. Prior was very solicitous – he saw
to this arrangement on his own initiative, and said food will be brought to the
room, which I said was unnecessary. I have never had this, even when I had a
broken ankle as a seminarian. Then he
said that car will drop me at the porch of the college in the morning. Though I
felt that this was unnecessary, I have
agreed to this, lest it be too much of a show off. I am glad for CMI community with all its
limitations as an artificial community, which tries to consciously practice Christ’s
care among themselves, and hopefully, beyond their limited circle as well.
