Thy Will Be Done! (Mtt 6:10). This should be the
spirit of any Christian, especially, someone like me, professed to 'consecrated
Christian life'. I should at the outset agree that it is still an ideal, and at
the best a desire - most likely, I have been trying to make my will work out to
be God's will under the guise of obedience and poverty.
I had already prepared a will of sorts and had sent it
to our prior, the then provincial and Fr Varghese Pudussery somewhere around
2015 when I was a member of SH Monastery, Thevara. However, I am not able
to trace it, nor is Fr Varghese. Perhaps, I did draft, but did not send.
Hence this new and more elaborate will. It was my junior Bennichan's
sudden departure (Sep. 9, 2024) that has prompted me to keep this ready - though I am
still hopeful, in spite of the increasing ailments of my body (teeth, shoulder,
knees etc.), that I will live the full purushayus of 100 years (Pashyema
sharadashatam)!
God has been gracious to me to permit to be born as a
human being on this planet earth, and inherit the Christian faith tradition of
Syro Malabar Church of the Catholic fold.
I was inspired to be a priest - though I had also a
desire to be a school teacher, a bureaucrat and at some point of time, even a
defence (army) personnel, in between. While the desire to be a priest remained
predominant all through, there was a strong pull in the direction of being a
bureaucrat.
In spite of such desires and some odd adverse
events, with support from many seniors in the CMI community, I was blessed to
be ordained a priest on Dec. 28, 1994, though still not very sure.
It was thanks to the initiative of Rev. Fr Alex
Oruthayappilly CMI, who took note of me as a scholastic, almost left to fend
for oneself - especially with my presence on the play courts during my
(compulsory) regency period 1989-90, that I was introduced to the Social Work
profession, and he plainly asked me to be a part of Rajagiri College - as there
was hardly any other thought, but for an interest in Economics and Hindi
literature, I tacitly agreed. In fact, I didn't take that very seriously.
However, after four years of that initial contact, when he reminded me of this
matter post my ordination in 1995, I was happily surprised, and felt that I
will go for it.
While completing the Theology course, I was
perfunctorily asked if I were 'not interested' in a career in ecclesiastical
studies, by the DVK President Rev Thomas Aikara. The very framing of the
question was negative and I did not want to impose myself anywhere. I
answered in the affirmative to that negative question, and since then there had
never been any invite in that direction, though I happened to be the topper in
almost all subjects and overall both in the Philosophy and Theology courses.
Later on, I felt that it could have been an opportunity for serious academics
and writing, which was never the case with my Social Work career.
Motivated and guided by Fr Alex, I attempted for admission at TISS, and gained it, and completed the course with flying colours in 1997 (best student, best field worker, best researcher - last one, not awarded as it was contested), and by the grace of God, with hardly any preparation, cleared the UGC NET examination in 1997 immediately after completing my PG course, and was inducted as a faculty member at Rajagiri College of Social Sciences in 1998. Completing Ph D in Social Work with Fr Alex as the guide (not an exceptional one, but indeed having a fair amount of academic rigour) in 2009, I was asked if I wished to take over as the Principal, as Dr Injodey's term was getting over. I declined, and insisted that it was better for the college to have Dr Injody as the principal than my being appointed there. However, in the very next year, I was requested to take over as the Principal of Sacred Heart College, Thevara, (as no qualified CMI hand was available), which I did willingly, though not very enthusiastically and continued there till I retired from regular service in 2021.
My possessions:
In spite of my deep desire to be happy with the bare minimum, I still found things accumulating around me - I am not happy about that.
1. The few books I have - though I am not a collector
of books as such - could be given to any library where they could be used -
preferably a Christian library, as most of the books are of Christian
Spirituality. They are in the Provincial House, Kalamassery.
2. I had a great interest in philately and numismatics
- I still have, but since ordination, they were never followed up, and whatever
is there can be utilised by the Province, if they be of any use, or given away
to a library or museum of one of our institutions (SH Thevara, Rajagiri,
Dharmaram, Christ or any other, if they find it useful). They too are in the Provincial House, Kalamassery.
3. I am supposed to be having no accounts and no bank
balance. But I do have 2 bank accounts - one for salary (pension) and one
for transaction, besides a Treasury account for receiving pension. The details are submitted to the Provincial as required.
State Bank of India - 67162344393
HDFC
- 50100155838505
Treasury Account - 799010400134977 (PTSB)
All amount there - accrued from festival allowance,
interests and some income from training or consultancy, or from rare ministry
abroad, or remaining in cash with me, are all to be of the province, and the Provincial Superior is my
nominee. I have duly handed over almost all the salaries and money from
regular ministries without fail, with accounts; however, over the 25 years,
some extra amount has accumulated in my
accounts in the last two years, especially since post my retirement and becoming an NRI (of sorts), almost as a rolling amount, as the salary from
Doha and pension amount due to the province was given only at intervals of 3 or
6 months, when a substantial amount was accumulated.
On my death or incapacitation, if any amount is found in these accounts, or as loose cash in my room, it would be great if the money could be utilised for some sustainable environment-related projects - preferably a land piece rich with bio-diversity. My desire would be a 3 cent plot of Miawaki forest with local and tropical fruit-bearing trees. If 100 varieties could be there with a border of hibiscus and nandiar vattam (Tabernamontana divaricata) that would be thrilling - though I do not know whether I would ever know about it.
4. I was very gratified when Rev. Fr John Kizhakkedan,
a former CMI member, unprompted, voluntarily offered Rs 5 lakh as a scholarship
amount for students in my name, sensing I had done good work at SH college,
where he worked earlier. (I felt this was the greatest recognition I had
received). I agreed, but requested him also to support a seminar in his name
for the department of Sociology and he had agreed to that too, in addition to
this amount. However, as it was happening during the time of my retirement, I
feel bad that in spite of having documented the same, and having received the
money in 2021, the scholarship was not given in that name. This I hope will be
corrected by SH college authorities.
5. With great trouble I had inspired my family members
to contribute to the new project - Building Space for Excellence - and within
their limit they donated generously, based on the promises I had made (after
getting approval for the same under the general scheme of soliciting support
from the public) that a hall will be dedicated to my father's memory on payment
of Rs. 25 lakhs. My aim was to set a model and thus inspire the local people to
be of support to the college, and thus make them feel that the college is
theirs as well (I was inspired by such projects in the US and also at St.
Aloysius, Mangalore). Unfortunately, I could not get more than Rs 15 lakhs, and
another 5 lakhs due to me from my mother's savings, which I had given to a
friend of mine on the promise of getting back (The initial amount was just
about 2.5 lakhs which was supposed to be doubled by the time I wanted to
contribute it to the said project). The good friend suffered a serious
illness and passed away and the family was in no position to be asked to repay
the amount.
However, I would still be happy if at least two
classrooms are dedicated in the name of my Father (P.L. Xavier) and Ven. Fr
Payyappilly a native of Perumanur (my great grand uncle), as already more Rs.
12 lakhs were thus obtained and deposited in the college account.
Similarly, on that basis, I had approached Mr
Kochouseppu Chittilappilly and he had readily given Rs. 5 lakhs for a
classroom. Though he has not enquired after it, the promise was that a
classroom would be dedicated in his name.
6. Lastly, but most importantly, this body in which I
am housed on this earth - it is already given to the Lord, though I don't claim
that I have lived a perfect consecrated life. I should have lived much more
zealously and spiritedly. Very often, I got dissipated and was uninspired
and doubtful. But I still kept my inspiration in the person of Jesus
alive, with less to do with the dogmas. And I still consider him the most
self-realised individual - who could be one with the ultimate so as to declare
'I and the Father are one'. Who walked the planet lightly - not hurting, but in
tune with its rhythm - enjoying it, marvelling at it, drawing inspirations from
it - a life of goodness, a joyful life. I tried, in my own limited
fashion, to become Christ, especially by trying to say yes to
any occasion to be of service (no claim of 100% success in that) and
trying to entertain no animosity to people in spite of very plain difference of
view or even when they felt I was against them, or I felt the same regarding
them.
My greatest contribution could be that I was a regular
blood donor, and I am sure that I have donated blood more than 100 times
trusting that Blood Donation is Life-giving.
I had already registered with the Kerala government
portal regarding donating body - eye and other parts - for saving life, in case
of accidental death or natural death. I had thought that I had already
submitted a declaration in this regard somewhere around 2015 to my provincial
superior, however, I am not able to trace the same. Hence this document.
I desire that my body be given away for the use of
medical students - to the nearest place where I will cease to be a living body
- so that their learning to promote life (in abundance Jn 10:10) will be
further facilitated.
I desire that my vital organs that can be transplanted
to save lives be used without fail.
If I lose my memory and decision-making powers and am
at a stage of no recovery, no artificial support systems be used, but let the
person to pass away peacefully. And in case of a declared brain death, whatever I have desired to happen at death be followed.
I desire that no funeral rites with body be done for me. If by any remote chance - i.e., the body gets destroyed in some
accident or becomes unusable for the purposes said above, my desire is that it
be wrapped in used cotton cloth (preferably khadi dhoti or so) and be directly
placed in the soil so that it causes least damage to the planet and that the
numerous organisms helping biodegradation may have a good feast.
Celebrating Life: On my death, there could be a fellowship, some good singing (I have a list prepared soon), and some delicious, wasteless, environment-friendly meal.
A mass could be offered with as many priests as
possible taking part singing joyfully the songs we are familiar with,
and without any nuisance of musical instruments. No typical prayers for
the dead be prayed - the short or long offices, annida etc.
Gospel of the Sermon on the Mount or Jesus changing
water into wine could be read.
Epistle - 1 Cor 13, or Phil 2:1-11.
Gospel - Matt 25: 31-46; Mtt 5: 1-12.
The Songs:
- Yahovayaam daivamen itayanatre
- Precious Lord
- Here I am Lord
- Loving shepherd of Thy sheep
- What a friend we have in Jesus
- Chandrakalabham chaartiyorungum - inspired from the late Sri PT
Thomas.
- I just keep trusting my Lord.
- We stand for God and for His people
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